【12.15】在长椅上哭泣Crying On The Couch


“‘我的恩典够你用的,因为我的能力是在人的软弱上显得完全。’” – 林后 12:9

有一天晚上,我为一个被枪杀的年青人主持完丧礼。回家后,换了衣服,便静静坐在长椅上。

我的妻子Cate问我:“你没事吧?”

“我很好,一切都好。”百份之99.9的时间,我都会这样回答她的。

她再问我:“真的没事吗?”

“我没事。”话音落了,房间变得一片死寂。

这时,泪水充满了我的眼,我感到鼻子发酸 - 不知不觉,我已经开始啜泣。我以颤抖的声音,开始述说过去几年在Roseland被枪杀的黑人青年:Marqwell;Andre;Darnell, Sr.;Darnell, Jr.;Larry;还有其他人。

我颤抖着痛哭了一个小时,妻子为我抹去泪水。这么多的悲痛、暴力、和不公,实在无以言表。在过去10年,我一直不畏艰难、砥砺前行、故意不去理会心中的痛苦。然而,那天当我坐在长椅上时,这一切酸楚都涌上心头。这是我一生人中一次最重要的醒悟。接受自己不是坚强不催的,这增进了我与其他人的关系。在软弱、流泪、和破碎中,我发现了神在社区生活中彰显的能力和恩典。恰恰在这里,医治和复原发生了。

祷告

神啊,求你帮助我们,放下任何妨碍我们与你和彼此之间的关系的事情,赐我们勇气不再自恃为坚强的、体面的、正确的,又教导我们学习放手和降服在你面前。奉耶稣祈求,阿们。

哥林多后书 12:9-10

9他对我说:“我的恩典够你用的,因为我的能力是在人的软弱上显得完全。”所以,我更喜欢夸自己的软弱,好叫基督的能力覆庇我。
10我为基督的缘故,就以软弱、凌辱、急难、逼迫、困苦为可喜乐的,因我什么时候软弱,什么时候就刚强了。

Crying On The Couch

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

I came home one night after officiating at the funeral of a young man who had been shot and killed. I changed clothes and sat on the couch.

My wife, Cate, asked, “How are you doing?”

“I’m good. All good.” This was my response 99.9 percent of the time to that question.

“Really?” she asked.

“I’m good.” The room was quiet.

My eyes welled up, my nose got runny—and before I knew it, I began to sob. I shook and began to say the names of all the young Black men from Roseland who have been shot and killed in the past few years: Marqwell; Andre; Darnell, Sr.; Darnell, Jr.; Larry; and others.

I wept and shook for an hour. My wife wiped tears from my eyes. So much grief, violence, and injustice had to find expression. For 10 years I had kept putting one foot in front of the other and had ignored the pain. And then it all came out on that couch.

This was one of the most important interactions of my life. Letting go of being strong has strengthened relationships. I found that in weakness, tears, and brokenness, the power and grace of God expressed in community show up. Healing and restoration happen in this place.

Prayer

God, help us to let go of whatever disconnects us from you and each other. Give us the strength to let go of being strong, being right, being correct. Teach us to let go and surrender to you. In Jesus, Amen.

诵读: 骆云秀
片头: 张妙阳

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